First Step

Dear Child,

 I never thought of being a mother, your mother, it sort of just came to me. 
A calling so to speak (if you believe in that sort of thing). 
My mind suddenly became aware of a vacuum, an empty space I had, waiting just for you. 
I have to admit, at first I was a bit freaked out. 
Was is it my hormones? Did i forget to take my medication? I'm not even on medication.

As for the desire to have a child as any other desire fear kicks in. 
Fear of the unknown personalty I will raise.  
What will you be like? Are we compatible? 
Fear of feeling abnormal from not wanting to be the "career woman", fear of not wanting to be thirty before I decided to take this jump.
 Just plain rotten, terror filled, hot flashes,cold sweat, heart pounding FEAR. 
Following fear came all those questions.  

 (a) Am I ready? 
 (b) Will my fiance be a good father? 
 (c) Am I even cable of having kids, 
 (d) All of the Above?  
 (e) AM I CRAZY?

So with all these questions, in this information age, I did what any other soul would do.... Research and by research I mean Google and lots of it!
So apparently, a lot (not all) women feel this desire to have kids at some point in our lives.
(breathes my sigh of relief) I'm normal for the most part anyway.
Apart from the type of mother I want to be, other questions now arise. 

 (f) I am knowledgeable?
(g) What are all the things I need to know? 
(h)What is the right approach to take? 
(I) More importantly, how can I feel joy from this process. 

And so like every great journey, that starts with a question and or calling.... 
                   ........................                                           
                                ............Here goes nothing..............

Love, 
Mom